Dosker Doll $8.00AUD
Available for purchase directly from www.doskathon.blogspot.com is this hand crafted [Dosker] doll. All [Dosker] dolls are hand made with love and care by [Dosker] herself and are branded with a personal "I heart (insert name here) tattoo".
$8.00AUD for all randoms.
$5.00AUD for all Frostmourne/GR/Tamarket/LJ/CGR and RL associates.
Please note this price does not include postage and handling and the cheapest available method of postage will always be employed unless informed otherwise.
E-mail Doskathon@yahoo.com for all purchase inquiries.
Copy and fill out the below form when placing an order;
Name:
Address:
Method of payment:
(Direct Bank Deposit, Netbank and Money order only)
Personalised tattoo to include the name:
Postal Method:
(Standard, Express, Registered, Overseas)
Quantity:
Please note: Stock is subject to availabillity (current stock 4).
The picnic
Introducing The PicnicTonight, i was chewing away on what has become a recent infatuation of mine. The Cadbury Picnic. The Cadbury Picnic is characterised by a rather repulsive exterior. To the unlearned it resembles an over sized mass of human excrement, not unlike a turd. It is this relationship between the turd and the Picnic bar that has led it's creators to adorn it in a wrapper with zero transperancy. A recent advertising scheme by the confectionary giant, Cadbury, has taken a very Apple approach to marketing this product - describing it as "deliciously ugly". Using the products flaws as a selling point, not unlike the method of sale used to plug the i-pod shuffle "because life is random".
What Apple really meant to say was "because this is ridiculously cheap to make, and we can sell it to you for a ridiculously good profit". What Cadbury mean to say is, "despite the fact that this looks similar to the meal you ate 6 hours ago, this will be the first time it's passed through a digestive system".
Undressing The Picnic
The Picnic can be undressed from one of two ends, not unlike most chocolate bars. In the event that you undress it at both, i suggest you start paying more attention to the needs of your Picnic, and be less concerned with the dope and/or other drugs you consumed prior to eating it. I would also suggest you get someone else to confirm that you are actually eating a picnic and are far removed from any kind of lavatory. Upon exposing the Picnic, squeeze the unopened end gently, so as to force the naked bar out from within the confines of it's flamboyantly coloured chamber. Do not be alarmed by the shockingly repugnant exterior, like many situations in life "it's what's inside that counts" - i.e. - Your Wallet.
Consuming the virgin
At this point in time, it would seem like someone, somewhere is laughing about how they managed to market a confectionary bar based on the concept of a human turd and successfully promote it to the extent that it's become a household name far removed from the reallity of it's repulsive disposition. As though this triumph over common sense and assumption wasn't enough, The Picnics' creator went as far as to make it one of the hardest things to eat and retain ones dignity - and by dignity i mean, prevent yourself from looking like a pig eating a crumbling mass of biological excrement.
When biting into the virgin picnic, ensure the moment your teeth make contact with the body that your lips immediately follow in an attempt to prevent crumbling Picnic debris such as caramel, wafer, chocolate and nuts from violating your attire. If possible lubricate your lips with a lip gloss and/or lipstick with adhesive properties. This will further assist with the retention of debris as you continue to consume the Picnic. Where possible, use your tongue to sever would be debris from the body of the Picnic before biting into it so as to avoid feeding your clothing in addition to your face.
Parting is such sweet sorrow
When the time has come to dispose of your Picnic and/or the plastic it called home, do, do so in a respectful and thoughtful manner. The Picnic was copulated in a factory far removed from the pastures that would best nourish it's development. It was then encased in a windowless coil for the purpose of suffocation in a bid to ensure preservation. Then it braved the shelves of a convenience store, service station, third world country aid package, and eventually your lustful grip. That a chocolate bar so undeniably, inexplicably and irrevocably heanous in appearance could delight the taste buds of many a man is not incomprehensible. You too can derive pleasure from in the face of a well emulated mass of human excrement today.
Doskers Final Thought
Some people resemble human turds too, most of the time they are, but every now and then you get to open one and confirm it. The Picnic is more complex than a human. It reels you in with it's seizure inducing attire, repulses you with it's graphically confronting and entirely disturbing complexion and then delights you with sensual taste bud like erotica leaving you with all the cupidity of a pubescent teenage boy.
I rate it 10/10
Warnings: Not advisable to people who have false teeth.
There's never enough time.
Take the purple one
Phase 1; Academia for AcademicsI once wrote in an essay;
Technology can never replicate the canvas upon which the material world is painted, and it is in our most vain of efforts that we as humankind conjure radically new scapes, only to discover that they are distorted reflections of the material world. In this mirror we see something familiar, yet something foreign, something new, yet something old, eventually coming to the realisation that what we see though never seen before, is that which has always been.
I started playing an MMORPG by the name of World of Warcraft. This virtual realm is what sociotechnologists would class, though somewhat hesitantly, as a new social space. Upon delving into this world in a bid to help me discern whether or not this argument of 'new online social spaces' had any substance to it, i became enveloped in a society not too dissimilar from that of the corporeal. Forgetting any intentions i had of analysing this rich virtual culture from a spectators point of view, i decided to learn all i could by means of a far more taxing technique which i shall refer to as 'immersion'.
To sum those two paragraphs up for you all;
I found an excuse to play World of Warcraft in the name of academic persuits and have done so for a matter of months now.
Phase 2: Self induced mutilation of ones members, yours for only $399.99Yes i have purchased a Nintendo Wii. Not unlike 99.9% of gamers with a half a brain cell in their head. Having stopped pretending i made a wise decision rather than an obvious one, i sat down to play the thing. Despite being biased when it comes to Nintendo and incredibly biased when it comes to Shigeru Miyamoto, i am not enjoying having to dislocate my arm everytime i want to dethrown a boss in Zelda: Twilight Princess. Whilst that sentence may reek of over dramatisation, i think you'll find every Wii advertisement does nothing to disuade consumers from adopting a similar point of view.
However, I am enjoying dislocating my arm for the sake of rising to 'pro' status. My Mii has all the attributes of a world no.1 tennis player and i forsee her rising above the rank of 'pro' anyday now.
Phase 3: Acupunture for wonky tablesA certain doctor who shall go unnamed has expressed his expert opinion of my current health in a most interesting fashion;
"You are like table with one leg shorter than the other, no matter what you do, table will never have balance"In order to remedy this strange wonky legged table syndrome, several needles then found their way into my body, arousing minimal pain and a magnetic heater was placed over the midregion of my uterus.
To some this is quite a normal series of events, personally i was new to lying on a table, having my fleshy mortal coil penetrated by metal instruments and watching the Doctor leave the room as he exclaimed "i'll be back in 40 minutes".
Phase 4:
Tiny paper umbrellas2 weeks ago i ate a piece of string.
After watching and reading both local television news broadcasts and newspapers, i am perplexed as to why the fact that i ingested a piece of string was not a main story. I know it's Christmas, though few people do. Most think this is the time of the year where you as a consumer can find bargains and at some point in time their brain forgets that it is also when retailers make around 30% of their yearly income, combining those two facts suggests that someone somewhere is losing out, perhaps it's the orphan/refugee/other politically incorrect generalisation that is being jipped. Third world country slave labour aside, it seems to be the time of year that no journalist nor news crew wants to throw together any piece of information worth knowing.
What is it about christmas that disrupts the normal process of our lives? Do people stop stabbing each other when father christmas appears in shop windows? Do they lay down their shiney pistols in favour of candy canes? Is cocain suddenly less appealing than bright red felt stockings swaying above the mantle piece? Does the humble trifle hold the answer to world peace?
We are a society with a media that thrives on the coverage of perplexities and distress, perhaps for one week, they allow us to entertain the illusion that Christmas is a time without pain, without suffering or persecution and opression. Perhaps it's their gift to us.
That or the corporate fat cats and their floosies are off holidaying in the bahamas thanks to all the dollars they've racked up on account of our obsessive compulsive viewing, boosting their ratings, buffeting their bank accounts and ultimately resulting in their entertaining what is a fantasy for most of the general populus, an oasis and a tiny paper umbrella.
Available for purchase directly from www.doskathon.blogspot.com is this hand crafted [Dosker] doll. All [Dosker] dolls are hand made with love and care by [Dosker] herself and are branded with a personal "I heart (insert name here) tattoo".
