Infiltrating Emo
Tonight i shall be touching on the hottness that is Emo.And i don't mean 'Emo' as in the way aspiring Emo's mean it, i mean Emo as in the way normal people mean it.
As a great Emo enthusiast once said
"Emo is here, Emo is there, Emo is everywhere" ::cry::
1. Emo
Genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle.
Exhibit a.
Authentic Emo
With the Emo evolution there also came, wannabe Emo's. People who's fate would forever be, that of an Emo trapped inside a normal persons body.
Exhibit b.
Wannabe Emo
Emo is becoming such an enticingly popular culture that people/animals from all walks of life now feel the need to emulate the sexy seductivity that is hating yourself all the day long whilst restricting your genitalias playground to a tenth of the required size.
Exhibit c.
Emo Spreads
So now that you can identify an Emo by appearance you now need to establish how it is they communicate. Generally dropping the words ::cry:: ::pain:: and :::sorrow:: will be enough to keep them intoxicated with memory lanes woe-woe archive - but hard core Emo's might expect a conversation.
If you get stuck for words resorting to angsty song lyrics will always get you out of the deep end and back into the shallow.
"She really really hurt me" ::dead:: - some lyrics might require modification.
If all else fails, just break down into an all mighty frown and stare at the ground with intensified hatred.
Exhibit d.
Talk the talk
Sometimes people will try to convince you that Emo is not a word and therefor does not exist. These people are losers and are devoid of intelligence therefor making them supremely uncool. Look them up and down and kind of sniff the air in disgust as you look away from them. Alternatively you can pretend they're invisible and any attempts they make to try and communicate with you respond with "there's no room in my dictionary for you anymore".
Exhibit e.
Dispelling the Rumours
EMO - Emu spelled incorrectly."That emo sure is fast!"
Some people will try and attempt l33t Emo status. Unfortunately they fail to realise that Emo is l33t and trying to enhance it's l33tness anymore will result in the depletion of it's l33tness altogether.
Exhibit F.
How not to be EMO
Sometimes Emo's angst a little too much and they fall off the wall. Hence the reason why they need to keep recruiting.
Exhibit G.
One less Emo sitting on the wall
10 ways to ensure you stay Emofied
1. Ensure your hair covers 50% or more of your face.
2.Be an active camera whore, sporting pouty moody poses that are only shown at super high contrast.
3.Stop eating meat, or alternatively become a closet meat eater and keep up the vegeterian appearance.
4. From now on jeans are the only thing you wear. DO wear them 10 sizes too small, DON'T be concerned that the grimace on your face is giving away how much your genitals are suffering - Remember Emo is pain.
5. Blazers with jagged edges and t-shirts 5 times too small with your favorite Emo band or Emo slogan are essential.
6. Refrain form making eye contact with people, this is highly un-emo like. You are deep, you are brooding, if you were a bath tub, no occupant could ever reach your depths. THAT is how deep you are.
7. DO pout but never CRY. Your pain is so traumatic, your agony so encompassing and consuming - to cry would be to allleviate that pain. Your pain is unalleviatable.
8. DO sing melodramatic songs with corny predictable angsty, depressing lyrics - if you can't play the guitar remove all the strings from one and carry it around declaring you have lost your muse.
9.Blonde hair is not Emo, if you have it, get rid of it. Die it Ebony or nothing else. The only other remotely accepted color is purply black.
10. Hibenate inside for no less than 50% of each day. Emo's are enemic looking, no Emo gets about sporting a tan. You are a pale lifeless, devoid of emotion mong not a swimsuit model in the winter time.
posted by Ali @ 8:47 PM
I wish more emo kids fell into Exhibit G.
Soon they'll be like the Mormons, knocking on our doors with their 'book of Emo'.
Hearken to their call today!
viva la revolution
What in all hell.. I don't even know what to say lmao.
All I can do is laugh and ask 'what the fffff..?'
Jesus christ lmao
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